Author: for-kindness

First poem in the “A City” series…Burlington, VT sunset.

A few months ago, my husband and I spoke at a community opiate task force meeting in our hometown. The meeting was attended by the many officials including Mayor Weinberger , Police Chief del Pozo, Jackie Corbally- opioid policy coordinator; representatives from the Health Department, University Medical Center..

It was difficult to share some of the details of Sean’s history, especially his incarceration. However, it is part of his story. In fact, he was not given the care he needed in the prison system. He was sentenced for several misdemeanor offenses. Luckily, he never injured anyone. We are forever grateful that, while he definitely did wrong, his offenses didn’t cause significant harm. He was pretty good at petty theft and a bit of a con. How much was due to addiction vs. his bipolar disorder, I am not sure.

I do know, he failed attempts at “Mental health Court”. His PO tried, in vain, to get him treatment and Psychiatric care. Unfortunately, while sentenced at a “work camp” (prison for non violent offenders) he didn’t receive his medication for bipolar disorder. He never had a psychiatric evaluation and was never offered any medication for addiction. In the past he had good success with Abilfy for mood stabilization and Naltrexone (Vivitrol) for alcoholism. I don’t know if he would have identified himself as an opiate addict or not. I do think if he had received better mental health care he might have survived.

I feel pretty strongly that mental health should be part of care for our prisoners. You wouldn’t stop someone’s insulin if they were diabetic??

Our town’s mayor spoke about Sean in his “State of the City” address.  Specially, to advocate for treatment of incarcerated individuals for opiate addiction. How much this would have impacted Sean, I don’t know.  Sean overdosed just 38 days after his release. We don’t know if he knew he was taking an opiate.

I do think medication assisted treatment in the jails it is a very good idea. This was one of many suggestions to reduce overdose deaths. In Rhode Island, where medication assisted treatment is offered in prison, overdose deaths were reduced by over one half in recently released prisoners. (JAMA Psychiatry Feb 2017)

Reluctantly, my husband and I agreed to share Sean’s story to hope for better treatment. Not easy !! I don’t think I slept for a few days knowing the paper would print the story. Indeed, the paper got some of the facts wrong but, overall not too far off base. The actual mayor’s address was correct but the paper’s report wasn’t completely accurate.  Kim Blake (Sean’s mom)

https://www.burlingtonfreepress.com/story/news/2018/04/02/miro-weinberger-burlington-mayor-state-city-third-term-opioids-development-trump-immigration/473322002/

A dear friend gave me this poem when you were  20 or so. At the time the struggles with your illness were seemingly insurmountable.  Dotty’s gentle prayers and this poem helped me let go.. just a little…to let you find your own way.

Children by Khalil Gibran

And a woman who held a babe against her bosom said, “Speak to us of Children.”
And he said:
Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life’s longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you, yet they belong not to you.
You may give them your love but not your thoughts.
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.
You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer’s hand be for gladness;
For even as he loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

This is Sean’s Mom, Kim. It has been a little over 6 months since Sean died. It has been up and down, of course. We (Sean’s Dad ,Brother and I) got though the holidays, not great.. Now it’s his birthday month. My insomnia has returned, the tears are flowing. For some reason this birthday month is harder than I expected. We have had many positive events, a good presentation to community task force with the mayor, the police department, health department, hospital representatives…. Great conversations with elected officials. Even some significant hope of improvement in mental health treatment in our town and in our state.

Maybe because his birthday is so special for our family. A day with many wonderful memories. A few not so great ones. OK that time when Sean was homeless and I met him at a burger place to get him some food, no that one wasn’t great. He was really angry and difficult that night. However, most of the other birthdays were good. He would often rally for birthdays and even some holidays. It wasn’t until later in the spring when the mania would start, then the substance use. That’s when the transition would come, March OK, April not great, May and June horrible. So maybe it’s anticipatory grief?? or maybe I am just really sad to have lost someone so beloved.

Loved ones all over the world are sharing photos and names of overdose victims. We hope to raise awareness of the number of overdose deaths . 174 people a day are victims and the numbers continue to rise. especially deaths due to fentanyl.

Facebook Post  August, 2017

Phinneus Sonin

want to share my thoughts on Sean Blake…he is unresponsive and the in the hospital. They don’t think he will survive. Sean appeared one day at Psychedelicatessen and I praised him as my savior for doing all the jobs around that no one liked or Thought about doing. We began a mentorship… I soon realized how troubled Sean became under the influence of drugs like heroin and alcohol. He would steal alcohol from me and provide it for others to think he was a cool guy. He created Drama, stole, lied and connived BUT he wanted to be a better person … he ask for redemption and made actual reparations with me and others whom he wronged. During Sean’s time incarcerated, he wrote me letters every few weeks … his attitude was positive and he was always looking to do good and be a productive part of a community. I reluctantly accepted Sean back into my life when he was most recently released from jail but over the last month , he has proven himself to be an honorable and dependable part of our community and someone I can memorialize as a golden child of Love with some dark shadows … please send your Thoughts and Love to this wild and wonderful Soul and his family.. may your journey through the Bardos be enriching Sean. I am glad to have known you and I call you a Friend. blessings.