Some families have Halloween celebrations, we celebrate Day of the Dead, All Souls Day. We take advantage of that time in between where the door between earth and heaven open just a sliver, just enough to tell opur loved ones how much we miss them.
We celebrate with favorite foods and stories, tales of past celebrations, back when All Souls Day was something we read about. There were so few that I mourned, Grandparents, a cousin gone too soon. Then the death of a close friend, then my Dad, and then Sean. All within a year, three of my closest friends/family. Now it is a day for pause and remeberance.
I have become friends with many parents who have lost kids, I grieve for them too. We collectively grieve our kids on birthdays and “angel days” We talk about them. Because if you haven’t noticed, people don’t like us talking about our dead kids. The think we are stuck in our grief. There is even a name for it “Complicated Grief” stuck somewhere far from Acceptance, that final stage that announces “We are done!!” Yes that is where everyone wants us to be..moved on. When I post a photo of myself having fun, the world cheers me on.. Having fun gets more likes and comments than any post about my son or Dad or Jill. The world wants me to be happy.
I just take note, write in my journal or share with my friends of loss. They get it. You can have fun and celebrate life and enjoy all you have and still think about the one’s you’ve lost without being pulled under. You can” have it all”. The messy, sad terrible grief and the joy and laughter too. We aren’t just one or the other. Some type of a chimera of love and loss, all bound together in one being.
Celebrate your loved ones on a windy fall day, sing some songs, have a nice meal.